got bangs yesterday

I wish my hair did this

and not this

One of those nights.

It's another one of those nights when I felt tired enough to pass out... but when the time came for me to fall asleep, sleep itself became ever so elusive.

So I just sits here. and rambles about my life- POETRY style

I call this one..... STUFF I'VE BEEN UP TO SINCE THE BEGINNING OF JUNE 2012

Just a few weeks ago my summer began

After fighting HIV for one year, I needed to tan.

So I hopped on a plane and landed in Vegas

To reunite with my wife- how happy it made us!

Through the next week, I played in my hood

Till the next thing I knew, I was on a trip to the woods..
I went with my sister, who's one heck of a baller
I heard her doggie once wore a gold collar.

In a "cabin" we feasted on nice marble tables

To prepare us the next day for mean mountain cables

The next day we rose at 3:30 AM

For a 16 mile hike that they call "half dome".

How painful this was, on 3 hours of REM

With no one to complain to (no service on phone).

We hung on for dear life, like in that movie Titanic

Especially on the cables- some of us panicked!

The next thing you know, we're eating some ice creams

And letting our bodies recover, the muscles and hemez.

The day after I came back, Dr. Lin hacked out two of my friends

Ever since then, the pain never ends.

Last week I had 32 teeth, and now I have 30

Where #1 and #32 used to hang, it is empty and dirty

I called up my pops, who came in a hurry

Like Lily sprinting, who fast and quite furry

He offered me attention and fatherly care

But since he's a doctor and my mouth hurt a lot, I just wanted some vicodin but he didn't give me any he just gave me normal over the counter Advil damnit

So to pass the time, I play with Lloyd's dog

But tell my parents I'm at the library looking at book catalogs

Sometimes Lily is not so smart and smells like poo

Good thing she knows tricks and she's not a dumb foo

In just a few weeks I'll be in Brazil

Have we planned anything yet? Not really, close to nil.

But I have no worries we will have planning calls

And I'm happy as long as we see Iguacu falls.

In just a few months I'll be in LA

(I hope I can climb there, or I'll forget how to belay!)

But first things first, tomorrow I'll be raising my paw

To fight my first speeding ticket in the court of law.

Well here you have it, my first published life's poem

I have so many thoughts, I don't know where to throw 'em.

I feel kind of sheepish, as I don't know who reads these

Except for Eleanor, who I should start charging fees.

HAHA. That was fun. Hope I can sleep now. PS I hate blogger formatting. will fix tomorrow.

went to the bathroom to get some nailclippers

ended up cutting my hair. need to get it fixed tomorrow.

meow >.< this is so me of me.

Truth

Ah, how it burns to know what you could be if you made yourself just a little less...

comfortable.

Every once in a while, I come face to face the greatest downfall of my being. I stifle my own potential.

Reading this really pissed me off.

"EDC reveler dies after fall from Strip hotel room"

TL;DR of the article: 22 year old girl attends EDC and takes some laced pills. She begins to panic and becomes paranoid that someone is stalking her, so her friends send back in a cab to the hotel. Alone. In the hotel room, she attempts to barricade the door and sends panicked facebook messages to her friends.

Her dead body was found the next morning. She had taken a 20 story fall from her circus circus hotel.

Reasons this whole fiasco pisses me off

1. Victim's friend makes the unabashed accusation that "EDC claims a friends life. I lost a dear friend this weekend." Most likely, the quoted friend's blame chart sounds like: EDC-->ecstasy-->innocent girl dies. Well, ain't that dumb. In no way does EDC condone drug use. Nevertheless, a large and stupid subpopulation of its attendees blindly consume MDMA without responsible discretion and then try to project blame on others for their own bad choices. 

2. Victim's friends sent victim back to her hotel alone in a cab, alone, knowing she was paranoid and tripping out. Some "friends".

3. One of the article comments linked to this reddit page. If this personal account true, the girl had taken MDMA at a previous festival and experienced the same paranoia. After going to a psychiatrist, who told her to lay off the drugs, she took them anyway.

4. Lastly, the title of this article. "EDC reveler"- really? A crass generalization that again, baselessly gives a great event a bad name.

Hearing this kind of shit gets me riled up. This is the quincentennial case of people who take a great thing and singlehandedly shit on it for the rest of us. Now I'm no a hardcore raver nor was I one of those bros chanting"I <3 EDC" on the strip last weekend. But I thoroughly enjoyed hanging out with my friends and listening to some good sets at EDC. Knowing that people attending the same event are out there creating unnecessary tragedies truly ruins the experience for the attendees and the event organizers.

About the drugs.

I am not a critic of substance users; I believe that the desire to experiment with substances is totally understandable and natural for some people. But you're a moron if you don't practice some personal accountability. Don't put something in your body unless you've done your research and have accepted the potential consequences. If you're going to try something new, know its source, what a dose is so you don't OD. If you've tried a substance that screwed up your mind or body WHY would you take it again. Taking a drug for its "cool" factor is getting really, really old.

Back at Cal, I had a really nice lab partner. He was good looking, charismatic, and very intelligent. He also loved partying. After not seeing him in years, I searched him on facebook and my jaw dropped when I found out he was in a coma. The fuck? Turns out he OD'd on drugs at a party, had a heart attack, and suffered irreversible brain damage.

There is a redeeming yet bittersweet part to the story. It's been two years since the incident, but the boy's heartbroken mom has been faithfully updating the world on her thoughts and her son's condition as she stayed by his side. She even inserts kitty posts, probably for some emotional solace. Recent updates I've copied and pasted from his FB timeline:

-After weeks of doing increasingly well, following commands better, reading flash cards, and generally showing some more brain function, ____ suffered a seizure this afternoon. It lasted about 4 minutes. He has been off the anti-seizure medication for about a month or so and I dread putting him back on it because it slows brain function. We will see what the neurologist says tomorrow.

-News, news, and mews. Layla the cat has been released from the bathtub, having used her litter box appropriately. She is now the denizen of my home office, which is a much larger space, although still a confined area. She seems to need confinement and solitude, although she enjoys visits from her humans. Not so much from Zelda, who has enough energy to drive poor Layla nuts.

-It has been a very difficult couple of weeks. I removed the cap from the trach because I couldn't stand to hear him moan. He immediately fell asleep and stayed asleep for two days. He has been sleeping quite a bit because he was totally worn out from spending all his efforts just breathing.

-I don't know what we are going to do about the trach, but it has to come out so he can learn to speak. I am at a loss as to how to accomplish this goal without going backwards a full year and beginning the capping process all over again. Truthfully, I don't know that I have another year in me. I remember that I was once a fun, carefree person, but I no longer can really remember what that felt like. They say that a mother is only as happy as her most unhappy child, so that could be part of the problem. 

I can't even begin to imagine the toll this has taken on the boy, nor the amount of regret that he must feel to have placed his loved ones in this position.

No roll is worth this shit.

And so it begins

Slowly evolving into a nutella eating sloth..read, sleep, eat, read, sleep repeat

Those creepy moments when you come home and the house is completely quiet. So you call up your ma n' pa and find out their cell phones ringing, but their tacky android jingles elicit no response. Cars are in sound and safe in the garage, but where are the drivers?

Perhaps I am inadvertently guest starring in an episode of the Twilight zone. The type when every living being on the earth has just vanished and once the sun goes down it, the zombies come out. O_O
---
So hai blog, it's been a while so let me speed you up with things. As of two Thursdays ago, I am no longer a working woman. My year long, awesomeship at the SF Dept of Public Health as well as my journey in SF met its demise then, and so began la vida domestica.

I'm lucky to finally have been living the dream life since then- waking up whenever I feel like it, running whenever I get the urge, climbing in the middle of the day, hanging out with Lily, and running errands. Oh, errands, how I miss the privilege of being able to take a mid-day cruise in my car and take care of errands LEISURELY.

Weekend so far have been n0t bad...

good lookin girls n guys
pic by adrian

EDC 2012
adrian

(also stolen from Adrian)

Meanwhile, thoughts of becoming a Trojan brew throughout my insides. It's funny- for years I've been wondering about the potential for my future as a med student and now that it is waiting on my doorstep I find myself rather apprehensive. I've put off reading some of the emails until later because I get a wave of butterflies in my stomach contemplating what's to come. The good kind of butterflies, but butterflies nonetheless.

Not in the writing mood anymore. May I present to you...Lily!