i am 20 years and 68 hours old.
yesterday, i laughed so hard i had tears in my eyes. thank you to an unexpected group of friends, i almost for got i could do that.
I've been absent from the bloggin' world for quite some time now and I miss it. For the past few years i've been substituting online journaling with a collection of facebook notes, but they have slowly diminished into video posts of lady gaga and cats drinking milk. After discovering blogs of some newer friends and re-reading posts by old friends, I've been inspired to give it another shot. After all, don't we all need some sort of thought box to foster our ideas?
Before I began this entry, I wondered...what's the difference between having a secret place for your thoughts (say, a private journal) and having a public one that people you know will read (say, this blogspot)? Why on earth would you want to give people a key to your emotions and a peephole into your mind? Doesn't that give complete strangers the prerogative to judge you without even knowing you? And in total anonymity, so that you don't even know who it is that's judging you? Yeah sure it does, anyone has a right to judge. But in the end if they don't really know you, their opinion lacks basis and so it shouldn't even matter.
I suppose one of the many reasons that public journaling is so attractive to bloggers is that you can scream things that you wouldn't scream in public and surprise the world with the thoughts that boil in your head. I guess I've been craving that for some time now.
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Lately, life has dimmed a bit. I normally look forward to break immensely, but with each break I am a little less excited to come home for reasons I won't get into right now. This entire break was particularly bittersweet, since I have been stressing hard about big kid stuff like what the heck I'm going to be doing in two year. The whole pre-med decision still scares me immensely, and sometimes when I think about it I stress to the point of nausea. I miss high school, when the finish line was college and the goal was simple: get there. Now that we there... there is no one straight path. There is no implied finish line, you gotta figure that out on your own. And that means it's all up to you set your boundaries so that the sky is the limit, and how far you get in life is set by your own endurance. Haha. Game over if you lazy overachiever.
Another task occupying my break: my lovely sister is getting married to one of the coolest boy I have met which is GREAT news but also means a lot of planning, particularly for the wedding shower in less than a week. Fun stuff, but I'm bummed I can't spend as much energy and time on the party planning when applications are always nagging at you.
anyway. it's 8:16 pm right now, and my room looks like a tornado hit it. must clean so i can go to all the...crazy...parties in cupertino...
2010 new years resolutions
1. no chocolate for january
2. keep room clean every day
3. keep better track of the happenings in my life and plan things out better
4. confidence.
